Wednesday, February 25, 2009

another edition

Its another edition of "what not to do at the gym" according to me!!

1. Please. (thats right I started with please, that means you need to listen) If you're going to walk on the treadmill, I applaud you for getting your relatively skinny butt to the gym, BUT (yep, its capitalized, that means something important comes next) please do not read a book while you are walking slower than my Great Aunt Edna who's bedridden and senile (no i dont have one, I'm just trying to be descriptive. you the point home). You just end up looking ridiculous. Especially since you're reading a BOOK at the GYM.

2. Do not talk on the cell phone at the gym. JUST DONT. Seriously. They should have a box you put your phone in if you take it near a treadmill. Or maybe if you're caught talking on the phone during a workout session, you get banned from the gym until you can prove that you're not codependent to whomever it was you were speaking to. That could be awhile, and I'm ok with that.

3. There is NO NAKED in the locker room. I dont care. I don't want to see your boobies. If however you do decide to be naked, or nearly naked, I will ask you to PLEASE refrain from speaking to ANYONE else until you are fully dressed. I mean it. Next time I'm stealing your clothes and running out to the parking lot with them. If you're so comfy with the nude-ness, what's a little more public nudity??

4. Have you learned nothing? Tanning is bad. It also smells. And I hear it gives you cancer.

5. Last but not least. If you dont come to the gym to break a sweat, please stay home. Please and thank you. We are all here to better ourselves..not to look pretty. Oh, and if you're not going to break a sweat by working out, I suggest a parka rather than those itty bitty shorts. You just look silly.

You're welcome.

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