Monday, February 9, 2009

The Duggars are NOT allowed at my gym

OK. First, before I get to the real reason for this post, I made it to the gym! Not only did I make it TO the gym, I worked out for an hour...all cardio! Thats right, I did cardio for AN HOUR! 30ish minutes on the tredmill (and by ish I mean I'm pretty sure I did more, but I'm rounding down) and 30 minutes on the stationary bike. WHEW! That was a work out if I do say so myself! With only an hour to work out on days that we go at night, I think that until I've lost a little more weight, I'll stick to cardio for 45 minutes to an hour, eventually getting to 30 or 40 minutes of cardio and the rest of the hour doing weights. But right now, my butt needs cardio! LITERALLY! haha

ok. Now, on to the reason for this post.

If you are going to become a gym member, or are a gym member I think it is important that you understand that there are certain cardinal rules you should strive not to break. They range from fashion no-no's to no-no's that should mean you have to surrender your card at the door before you exit.

What I observed tonight....

--Please. If you're going to bring your kids to the gym, maybe you should only have had 2. I'm just saying. 3 is pushing it but MAYBE I'll let you get away with it if I like you, and if the fact that you have your 3 kids in the kids zone doesn't make me wait 15 minutes to get my kid in because they are at capacity. OY. (this is just a small infraction, one that is forgivable since people are pretty attached to their kids...but just think about obviously spend some time at home doing cardio if you've got 3 kids...maybe you can cut it back when youre at the just saying)

--Ladies. Just because girls in magazines do it, or because you did it when you played volleyball does NOT mean you should wear black spandex short/underwear looking things to work out in. They are NOT flattering, and yes, if you had it, I could see your cellulite. Just remember that for when you finally birth a child. And yes, spandex capris count too. Oh and black shows sweat too, just so you know. lol

--No. Those trash bag looking things that make you sweat more don't work, and they make you look like an idiot. Yes, they make you sweat. But there is a funny thing about sweat. If you sweat too much, or pretty much at all, your body forces you at some point to replace that water. So basically you get to lose that water weight for about a day. Then your body makes you drink it all back in. With some exceptions I know. And then all your left with is you, at the gym, looking like a damn fool.

--Full eyeshadow and all...should not be worn to the gym. Unless your name is RuPaul. Meaning youre a tranny, then I will make an exception and possibly invite you over for dinner.

--Talking on the cell phone while you're hogging the BEST treadmill in the place makes a chubby girl angry. Especially if you're using it to WALK. And even more if you're a skinny B. Go use the regular treadmill and let me, chubbs, use the one that has better shock absorption for all the body mass I shove on my joints when I make my legs go fast and pretend its running.

--Reading a book while on the treadmill walking at the pace of a child who just learned to walk is unacceptable if all the treadmills are full. And please, tell me why, if you're walking so damn slow, do you need one of the precious few towels our lovely gym establishment seems to have? Afraid your book is going to break a sweat?

--Do not go from stationary bike to stationary bike wondering why they wont work. Then dont listen when I tell you how to work it. Pedal, Push Start, Select Program. I'm thinking thats on the machine somewhere garbage bag wearing, full face of makeup having lady.

OK. I think that about sums up my gym experience for the day. I'm telling you. OY! Oh and want motivation? Listen (or read the closed captioning..dude dont ever let me do that..I would be terrible AND I would "accidentally" curse alll the time..especially when certian people were on TV lol) to Obama talk about the bailout. Now that is some kind of motivation. It might make you want to scream, but hey..the tredmill only goes so fast and you have to breathe at some point right? lol

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