Thursday, January 29, 2009

Calming a Broken Heart

Only forgiveness can calm a broken heart. You must release the pieces and let them fall to be able to put them back together again, piece by piece. To find each piece one must realize why it fell, and what it means. Once the heart is repaired, the only thing that will calm it, is to forgive the one who broke it. Forgiveness lurks where the heart once sat, and to find it means you now have the ability to put the heart back in its rightful place. It is only then, when you realize that the pain and hurt still exist as if the pieces had just fallen, that it becomes clear that the journey does not end after your heart is mended. It is only when forgiveness is given can you truly live outside the pain that once was.

But forgiveness is an illusive creature. One that is well skilled in the art of diversion. Forgiveness is also beautiful. It brings with it a sense of clarity and peace that is as soothing as a summer breeze or a rain storm in the face of a drought. It cleanses everything it touches, leaving its mark on the heart.

So, I forgive you. I forgive you for all that you have done. I forgive you for all the hurt, pain, confusion that you caused. I forgive you because without it I cannot have my heart back. You have kept it for so long, I'm not sure I realized its absence. I was able to keep parts of it that I needed, but you kept the parts that were only yours for a short time. Now that my heart is complete, I must move on and find a place within me to forgive you. Forgiveness tastes sweet, sweeter the pain ever felt. Because the pain made me remember, and memory is cruel, but sweet. Now that I have forgiven you, I can now rest in a place of serenity. Your place in my life now serves as a reminder that I am a strong, beautiful, caring woman, who has the strength to overcome and forgive. This is truly sweet summer day spent on a porch swing with the ones I love, with a cool breeze kissing my face and sweet tea drowning my thirst.

Judgy-pants. NO being all judge judy tomorrow/later. I wrote something and I wanted to post it. No being all judg-ey about it. Either you like it or you dont, but its a blog I wanted to write, so yeah...dont be debbie downer about it.



Sunday, January 25, 2009

A Return to the Masses

Assuming that the masses actually read my blog. I'm guessing that is probably a huge overstatement, but hey, we all need a little encouragement now and then! lol. So I haven't really been blogging lately. I guess I haven't really had much to say. I mean, there is school, but I'm pretty tired of blogging about it. So I'm going to try and not do that so much anymore! SHOCKER! I'm at least going to try and not complain about it so much. I'm hoping this carries over into my "real life". We'll see how that goes.

OK so if there is no school to blog least whine about...what is there left to blog about?? I'm hoping to figure that out. I always have something twirling around in my head, so I'm sure I can come up with something.

Today...hmm...I haven't really done much. Had some pretty wierd dreams, which are pretty standard these days. When that dreaded monster called school comes back I tend to get pretty vivid wierd dreams. I have no idea why, but if I do figure it out, my next mission will be to figure out how to make them stop! lol. Then I watched some lifetime movies, also standard practice on the weekends. They waste a pretty awesome amount of my time.

What am I doing now then?? Listening to some pretty awesome music. Kate Voegele to be exact. Her voice is pretty interesting..I'm trying it on for size, see if I like it! (thats what she said) lol. I feel like this will be return of Music Monday! WOO HOO! Perfect since one of my favorite sources of music comes on TV on Mondays! TV a source of music you ask? Yes, One Tree Hill has some pretty fantastic music, and I just found the best website that tells me what songs they played AND links me to the myspace pages of the artists that have them! SWEET! I've been jonesing for some good tunes lately, hopefully this will be the start of a wonderful and the music site! lol.

What else...hmm.....been car shopping! We've been really thinking about getting something a little bigger than what we have since we'll most likely be hanging around Texas for a while :). Those trips back to Alabama get pretty cramped in both of our cars, so we're thinking that if we can upgrade Jacob's HHR, we can upgrade mine after I get out of school. Plus that leaves us with a car that gets good gas mileage for Jacob to take to work, and a pretty sweet automobile for me to get around in! (the bonus of a short commute, I get to drive the "new to us" car!). We'll see, we found something we like, but being that we're practical people, we're still tryin to make sure we can buy it. Thats right, some people do actually try and make sure they can afford stuff before they buy it. Shocker I if I could just impart that knowledge on the rest of the country we MIGHT not be in a recession..hmmm...tricky. I'll let you know how that works out.

Ok. I think thats enough for now. I'll try and get back in the swing of this whole blog thing. I've missed emparting my boring-ness on the "masses" so maybe it wont be too difficult!

And finally. I think I'm going to start trying to grow my hair out. This is a picture of me geez..probably 4 years ago with long hair. Lemme know what you think!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Its BaaAAck

School that is.

Today was it, the beginning of my 4th semester of school. As of today I am halfway finished.

So, how was it you ask? Mediocre. My classes are ok, nothing to write home about quite yet. I'm currently avoiding reading for Criminal Procedure and posting this blog instead. Hence I'll make it short.

I'm pissed. My grades this semester suck, I gained wayy to much weight over the break, I cannot stand the idea of drudging through this AGAIN. (and again and again for 2 more semesters). I just dont know how much longer I can submit myself to this torture. But alas, maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. Hopefully I'll put this book away soon...only 10 more pages...then head to bed. I have to get up in the morning...ick..and go to the gym..double ick. But if I want to get any of this friggin weight off...I gotta hit the tredmil. Maybe I'll have some profoud thought about how to get through the next year and half. Cross your fingers.

Friday, January 9, 2009

End of an Era

It's pretty much the official end of winter break. I start back on Monday, and I'm buying books tomorrow. LAME. There are large parts of me that do not want to go back. (and no, that was not a reference to the amount of weight I gained over the I know that it is a means to and end so to speak, but I friggin hate school. I've never breathed those words and had them be so utterly true. I always said "ahh I hate school, blah blah" .but I actually, until now, have always liked school. I enjoy learning new things, and thinking about things and trying to make sense of things. But now, I just feel like I'm beaten down. Things are thrown at me and I'm just grasping at very tall straws (and FYI, I'm short and do not have super human go go gadget arms...). I know I'll finish, I have to, there really is not choice other than finishing this little journey into the seventh circle of hell. I know I'll be charred when I come out the other end, but I'll be there! OY...I wish there was something that brought me to blogger land other than school!

Here is a pained effort at a recap of the last few weeks.

1. Visited Family in AL. Mostly a really good visit. By the time we left, it actually felt like it was time to go home. A rare occurence. But not a bad one, by all means. It was just time to get back to our life out here, our home. That sense of calm felt good. I saw my grandmother while I was out there...and that is an entire post to itself, when I can find the heart...It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
2. I started reading some novels....of a particular nature.the Twilight series...I love it. Can't help it, cant explain it. Dont hate, and dont judge till you've read it. They are freakisly addicting. I will spend some of my day tomorrow and some of my night tonight reading the 3rd one. So far this break I have read 5 books. I start my sixth and final book when I mosy up to bed. Nothing too heady, mostly girly books, but all pretty much worth my time.
3. Saw Bride Wars tonight with my bestie. It was good...good to see a chick flick about best friends with yours..that never hurts!!!
4. Bought a KitchenAid proud. I got a little cash for Christmas, and added it with some Wedding money and bought that bad boy. Its gorgeous. I'll update you on how it turns out! I havent made anything YET..hopefully that will change soon!
5. Turned 24
6. Rocked out some Guitar Hero World Tour
7. Loved me some Wii Fit!! Thanks go Jacobs parents I can now be ridiculed by my gaming console.
8. Gained an inordinate amount of weight...and enjoyed every little bit. There is nothing like a Southern Christmas. Although next year...I'll try to not make it a 2 week eating extravaganza.
9. Spend quality time with the family...Hayden I miss my kiddo when I'm in school.
10. Last but not least..Joined a gym. I'm thinking that will be a weekly post on gym adventures...or far so good. Its not too expensive, I get a student discount, and I actually like the equipment. I plan on going tomorrow...We'll see.........

I hope everyone has enjoyed the last month...I know I have...I'm not ready for hell to start again, but alas, the sooner it begins..the sooner it ends!!!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Best Way to Wake Up. EVER.

To the sound of your little one spilling his the toilet. OY. What a night/day it has been! My little/not so little anymore dude was up ALL NIGHT with what seems to have been a 24hour bug. poor little guy. But I tell you...when you're a mom, and you have to take care of a sick kid, you're honestly surprised at how quickly you can jump up, throw on shoes and run to the aid of your very sick little one, and manage to not hurl yourself in the process. I was sincerely impressed by my intestinal/stomach fortitude. I was also pretty impressed with my ability to stay awake. all night. without coffee. SHOCK I know. I seriously didnt get tired till around 8-ish.

Anyway..the little Hay-meister is just fine. He plugged the gueyser around noon. Then knocked out..either from sheer exhaustion or the smell of his rank little butt.

SO that was my blog for the day. I have more to share. I am SLIGHTLY addicted to the Twilight series. I'll be blogging about that soon.

Hope everyone has had a wonderful break, back to the dirty "s" word for me next week and Wednesday for Hayden..(I'm keeping him out tomorrow too just in case)