Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Glimpse into My Brain--Katelin Style

So...Jen inspired this post a little bit. Well..when I sat down to actually write it..I thought of her, so I decided she deserved a shout out!! SHOUT OUT JEN!

Ok. Deep Breath. Here goes:

There are some really terrible things happening right now in my family. Basically one thing really. It's a big thing, but in the interest of some privacy, just know that its really sad.

What you really need to know is that really sad things usually happen around this time of year. And December. That's right! DING DING DING during finals.

Case and point:
It was this time of year (as in finals time) that my mom told me about her Leukemia.
Last year this time I was either driving from or Jacob was driving to Vicksburg to get Hayden to and from Jacobs parents after they shut the schools down here for Swine Flu.

There's more (I'm sure) that has happened either during finals or during my most stressful semesters. And this one is no different.

So I told K that I was just going into hiding before the Bar Exam. And she basically said, sure, just as long as you tell me where you are so you can talk me of the edge on July 25th. I said sure. But only under a few very specific conditions.

They read as follows.

Only if you promise not to

1. Drive
2. Fly
3. Walk down more than 1 flight of stairs
4. Stand outside when its raining
5. Join a gang
6. Decide to pursue your life long dream of living on the streets and begging for change
7. Go near a pit-bull (dude...those things are scary)
8. Eat sushi (or that weird sea urchin that if it's not cooked long enough will kill you)
9. Be in the same vicinity as Spencer Pratt---with or without his crystals...cuz dude. he's lost it.
10. Take any form of public transportation other than Pete...and then please, wear a seatbelt.

Oh and you have to promise to
1. Always wear a bullet proof vest (made of kevlar..not Fiddy Cent non-stick vests are acceptable)
2. Install extra air bags in your car
3. Walk around with pillows strapped to all of your extremities (over the bullet-proof vest of course..)
4. Build a bunker for yourself, your parents, Devin, his parents...annnd Emily, Nick, Eli, Carla, Matt, Jen, and anyone else I've left out...oh and their animals)
5. Maybe take up a self defense class?? Although that might be hard to do with the vest and pillows....
6. Maybe you should just invest in a bullet proof car...those exist..when you're buying your vest you should look into that
7. Get a top to bottom physical...maybe an MRI, an upper GI a lower GI a colonoscopy a mammogram a pregnancy test a blood test a diabetes test an ultrasound on all major know THE WORKS
8. Eat only foods you grew yourself...I mean..contaminants are EVERYWHERE
9. Throw out all prescription and over the counter drugs...
10. Go to rehab --I'm not sure why...It just seems like the safe thing to do

HAHAH. Like my list?

I'm clearly cracking up...but not as much as Spencer. I don't need my crystals...just chocolate..and a nice cold beer would be nice...AHH October...You can't get here fast enough.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I'm soooo out to lunch

I'm suffering from a severe case of the "out to lunch" syndrome.

What is that you ask?

Its when your brain goes on COMPLETE vacation and you continually make an ass out of yourself.

Exhibit A:
I tried to get in the wrong car after registering for baby. I opened the door people. (but p.s. it was IDENTICAL to ours...and for the record...kinda stinky)

Exhibit B:
I chased down my "neighbor" by shouting "hey, where you goin with that baby?!"...only to then realize it wasn't, in fact, my neighbor, but her aunt who is watching the baby who happens to look shockingly similar to said neighbor from behind. Minus..oh you know...REALLY LONG BLACK HAIR. whatever.

So if you see a semi-distraught, but mostly aloof pregnant lady in your neighborhood...kindly turn me in the direction of my house...or better yet...put me in the car and take me home. If I can even manage to give you decent directions. Maybe I should invest in a bracelet or collar of some sort, just so people can make sure I get to the right place...